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Sajita Nair


/photo.cms?msid=886418 On Wednesday and Saturday evenings, five-year-old Rhea goes for Bharata- natyam class after school. On Tuesdays and Fridays, she goes for classical music and art classes. The remaining days are devoted to swimming and tennis coaching. Six-year old Ishan follows a similar routine except that he has an extra class - karate! These young children already have schedules busy enough to give a corporate czar a complex. Classes go on as scheduled day after day until one day something happens - either the parent or the child snaps.
Over-Speeding Little Lives
'Hyperparenting' is a term coined by psychologists to describe this phenomenon which is being addressed the world over. It is also called the 'hurried child syndrome' or the 'superbaby syndrome'. Experts describe it as a condition in which parents over schedule their children's lives, push them hard for success, and expect them to behave like miniature adults. In his book 'The Overscheduled Child', renowned child psychiatrist Dr Alvin Rosenfeld says, "Parenting has become a competitive sport and very soon, we will witness a parenting Olympics."
Despite enough pressure and work from school, parents enrol their kids for every possible 'enrichment' class. Pia*, an affluent mother of two, justifies this saying,"It's a fast-paced world and since every child is doing something, I feel my children will lag behind if I don't give them a chance to do more things."
Most well-meaning parents however, do not realise that they are doing more harm than good. Experts say that children often feel stressed-out, sleep-deprived and constantly under evaluation. Sensing their parents' over-involvement in their activities they try to perform beyond their limits. This damages a child's fragile self-esteem.
Recollect Your Own Childhood
To what goal are we goading our kids? Why do we pressurise children to grow up faster, to achieve milestones much earlier than we did during our times? "In my younger days, our leisure time was spent picking up flowers in the backyard, playing in the sand, or simply staring at the sky," recalls Smitha*, mother of a nine-year-old. Why then, do we deprive our children of these simple joys and carefree days of childhood? Various case studies have shown that many children who walk late grow up to be excellent athletes and others who read late become wonderful writers. One little boy, who talked late, did poorly in school and daydreamed a lot, gave the world the Theory of Relativity.
The boy - Albert Einstein!
Contrary to what many parents think, 'doing nothing' is not necessarily bad.
Dr Vinay Tripathi, a psychiatrist with a leading Mumbai hospital, says, "When children get free time for themselves, they follow their natural instincts, think differently and come up with creative ideas. It teaches them to utilise their own time in the ways that make them happy." Unstructured activity and play amongst themselves without adult supervision, give children the essential social skills they require as adults. Over-structuring only leaves the child with no time other than to live life by a timetable.
Know Your Child
Realise too, that there is no point giving a paintbrush to a boy who loves football or a Barbie to a girl who is passionate about cars. Each child is an unique individual and the chances of personal success are heightened when children follow their natural inclinations.
It also saves them from the stress of an already chaotic world.
Experts point out that there is no evidence to prove that these 'development' classes offer any benefit to very young children. Older children can however, pursue selected activities of their choice.
Apply The Brakes
Slow down, child psychologists across the world advise parents. Nothing - other than stress-related disorders - can be achieved by rushing a child. "Now I go only for tennis and dance classes," says 10-year-old Nitin, whose parents realised that too many classes were not doing him any good. Limiting the number of classes to one or two, based on a thorough examination of the child's needs, is a good solution. Interests and skills can be developed without causing undue stress to the whole family. Dr Tripathi adds, "Parents should also ensure that their own insecurities and ambitions do not find expression through their children. Rather than enrolling them for every new class, parents should try and spend more time with them. It could be things as simple as going for a walk, talking or just being together. This gives children a feeling that they are loved and cared for. They cherish these memories for life."
You've given your children the gift of life; why not also give them the time to discover, learn, and understand the world at their own pace and in their own ways? So, the next time you see your daughter wasting time doing nothing, just let her be, because her childhood will be over even before you know it.
Names have been changed to protect identity
Don't wait for evolution. Get with

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