Is your child over-programmed?
Sit down, relax and ask yourself some common-sense questions about your
child's life. Does she experience a healthy balance among scheduled events,
academic pursuits and unstructured downtime?
Is your child's schedule weighted too heavily in one direction?
Dr. Alvin Rosenfeld, author of The Over-scheduled Child: Avoiding the
Hyper-Parenting Trap, said you might want to re-examine your family life if your
child:
*Dawdles, forgets things or throws tantrums when it's time to leave for
practice or lessons.
*Has trouble keeping track of where she's supposed to be, and when, on a
given day.
*Often stays up past bedtime to complete homework.
*Complains that she never gets to do the things she wants to do.
*Gets extremely upset or anxious after making a mistake on the playing
field, during a lesson or on a test.
You, the parent, might be over-scheduled if:
*You feel like you are always in the car, shuttling your child from activity
to activity.
*It's a rare afternoon or evening when you and your family relax together at
home with no planned activities.
*You sense that life is "all for the kids and nothing for me."
Parents drive themselves to give their children the building blocks for
success in life. This can lead to pushing the children to do things they don't
want to do.
"It makes a great difference whether it's an activity the child loves and
wants to do, or is it one the parent feels is essential for enrichment," Dr.
Rosenfeld said. "The former is great; the latter usually backfires."
Dr. Rosenfeld and other family therapists warn that parents sometimes make a
big mistake: They believe that enrolling their children in activities means they
are building a healthy relationship with them. In fact, the opposite can happen
in an over-scheduled family.
Stress imposed by too many time constraints and deadlines can lead to
conflicts and resentment, the experts say.
Dr. Rosenfeld said healthy parent-child relationships stem from family
members relaxing together - things like leisurely walks through the
neighborhood, playing Monopoly at the kitchen table or watching a favorite
television program together.
The typical child doesn't want to be pushed to play two sports and take
lessons to play the flute and learn ballet. And the average parent didn't start
a family so she could become a glorified chauffeur.
"Balance is the key word and the concept we seem to have lost," Dr.
Rosenfeld said.
E-mail sparks@dallasnews.com
