Call it "hyper-parenting," and it's rampant, according to Dr. Alvin Rosenfeld.This child-rearing phenomenon has well-meaning parents delivering kids to an endless array of academic, social and athletic activities and programs in order to accelerate accomplishments and enrich childhood.
"Over-scheduled lives have become the norm. Parents feel remiss, even neglectful, if they don't fulfil every iota of a child's potential," says Rosenfeld, an author and child psychiatrist in New York.
So adhering to a relentless to-do list in order to make kids the very best they can be is the name of the game. It's widely believed to be the sign of good parenting, but just who is it good for and at what cost?
And it seems some parents want winners at any cost — last week, a Toronto man was charged with assaulting his 10-year-old daughter after she was allegedly grabbed by the facemask and screamed at as she stepped off the ice at a minor hockey tournament.
And remember three years ago when the Boston-area hockey father beat a fellow hockey dad to death? And what about the Texas mom who tried to have the mother of her daughter's cheerleading rival knocked off?
Although these extreme examples are far from typical, today's over-zealous child-rearing style has many parents typically going far beyond the call of duty in order to craft their vision of a perfect childhood, ripe with golden opportunities in preparation for adulthood and the best possible shot at success in life.
One mother I approached for an interview had her only child, a six-year-old girl, signed up for T-ball, soccer, Kumon math lessons, piano, swimming, tennis, plus four weeks of all-day sports camps over the summer.
"It's really not too much. She loves it all," says the mother who didn't want to be identified. "It's good to keep them busy."
According to Rosenfeld, although hyper-parenting is born of best intentions, it often leads to families being frazzled and floundering as they become overwhelmed and overstressed because of over-scheduling.
It's made parenting the most competitive adult sport around, he claims, as every bit of our time, money and energy is consumed, and family life is overloaded with unnecessary chores and commitments.
"Hyper-parenting is not good for us as parents, and it's potentially dangerous for our children and their healthy development," says Rosenfeld. He said too many structured activities may rob children of the ability to develop their creative minds and depriving them of their most important resource — you.
"It's the one way that is accepted as the road to getting successful kids yet, in my experience, it often creates the opposite."
Rosenfeld advocates a less hectic lifestyle that includes slowing down, doing less and generally turning the volume down.
Dr. Arlette Lefebvre, child psychiatrist at Toronto's Hospital for Sick Children, agrees balance is key. Children participating and excelling in activities is healthy and a great self-esteem booster, but kids need downtime, too.
"There's got to be a balance between a child's needs and a parent's needs," says Lefebvre. "Parents have to assess the overall results and impact on the family and the child and decide whether it's worth it."
